Close Encounters, a Drinking Song

An old Poloshnian drinking song, traditionally sung in English:

Oh, a Polosh soldier’s life is grand; he fights for king and home,

But he may soon feel a fearful itch, he can’t scratch all alone.

And it’s hard to find a Polosheen who’ll take you for a whirl,

So for all your close encounters, go and find a human girl!

Oh, they don’t spit acid in your face, or drag you to their nest,

They won’t jam tubes down your throat and lay eggs in your chest,

And they won’t bite off either head, when the lovin’s through,

So for all your close encounters, those human girls will do!

Well, the Velograds are pretty rad, and they’ll love you without fail,

Just make sure that you’re careful, and know which ones are male,

And Mucolores will keep you warm, if you find them on your tour,

But they’ll get rather clingy, when their junk is fused to yours!

Oh, they don’t spit acid in your face, or drag you to their nest,

They won’t jam tubes down your throat and lay eggs in your chest,

And they won’t bite off either head, when the lovin’s through,

So for all your close encounters, those human girls will do!

Now in a fit of passion, she may rake you with her nails,

But she don’t mean nothin’ by it, and it won’t get through your scales,

And bitin’s fairly playful, long as she don’t wear a frown,

Just count your blessin’s grateful, she don’t have teeth lower down!

Oh, they don’t spit acid in your face, or drag you to their nest,

They won’t jam tubes down your throat and lay eggs in your chest,

And they won’t bite off either head, when the lovin’s through,

So for all your close encounters, those human girls will do!